Episode 107: Costumbres - Quinceañeras in the U.S.

As the daughter of recent immigrants from Ecuador, Francis Gortaire didn’t get to have a traditional quinceañera when she turned 15. But, for her 30th birthday, she decided to host the quinceañera she never had and shared an important announcement with her community.

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Transcript

Martina: It’s October 2019, and Francis Gortaire is celebrating her birthday at a bar in Washington, D.C. The garden glows with criss-crossed string lights and glittery homemade posters decorate the walls. For the occasion, Francis is wearing sparkly silver boots, a pink tulle skirt, and a tiara. She makes her way to the front of the crowd, microphone in hand…

Francis: ¡Gracias a todos por estar aquí, en mi doble quinceañera!

Martina: Typically, people celebrate their quinceañera when they turn 15 years old. But Francis is celebrating her double quinceañera, or doble quinceañera, because she’s turning 30.

Francis: Ustedes son mi familia por elección y, por esta razón, quiero compartir algo con todos esta noche.

Martina: The crowd goes quiet. Francis smiles and takes a deep breath… She’s about to share a big announcement with her friends.

Francis: Esta fiesta, es para celebrar a la persona que soy hoy, después de treinta años de vida, y a las personas que me ayudaron en el camino. Quiero compartir algo que siempre supe que estaba en mí, pero no sabía bien qué era.

Martina: Welcome, le damos la bienvenida al Duolingo Spanish Podcast. I’m Martina Castro.

This season, we’re exploring customs, or costumbres, from the Spanish-speaking world, to help you improve your Spanish listening, and to learn more about daily life in other cultures.

Today, we’re spending time in Ecuador and the United States to learn about the custom of the quinceañera.

The storyteller will be using intermediate Spanish and I’ll be chiming in for context in English. If you miss something, you can always skip back and listen again. We also offer full transcripts at podcast.duolingo.com.

Martina: Francis spent the first 10 years of her life in Latin America. Her dad worked for a technology company and her mom was an accountant.

Francis: Yo nací en Quito, la capital de Ecuador y mi niñez fue bastante normal. Mi familia era de clase media alta y tuve la oportunidad, o mejor dicho, el privilegio, de recibir una excelente educación.

Martina: As the eldest of two sisters, Francis often heard her parents mention her 15th birthday party, or quinceañera. It was a topic that came up now and again in her childhood, and it was talked about as a big day for the whole family.

Francis: Recuerdo que mis papás me dijeron: “Cuando tengas quince años, te vamos a hacer una fiesta y te vas a ver bien bonita”.

Martina: The tradition of the quinceañera is believed to have started in 500 CE as an Aztec custom. It was a coming of age ritual to mark a girl’s transition into womanhood. Later, when the Spanish colonized the Americas, it evolved to include Catholic elements and a religious ceremony.

In modern times, the quinceañera parties have transformed into a popular celebration across Latin America. Now, they’re more of a way for family and friends to gather and celebrate a teenager's growth. In some ways, it’s like a “Sweet Sixteen” party in the U.S. Today, as part of the custom, the quinceañera often receives special gifts like jewelry from friends and family, as a symbol of their love and support.

Francis: Mi papá y la familia de mi papá tenían un collar que querían darme a los quince años.

Martina: Francis remembered her dad specifically telling her about a necklace he planned to give her at her party, when she became a woman, or al convertirse en mujer.

Francis: De vez en cuando, mis padres me decían: “Este collar es para tu quinceañera. Te lo vamos a dar cuando te conviertas en mujer”.

Martina: But those traditional plans for Francis’ 15th birthday had to change, as her family, like many families in the 1990’s in Ecuador, faced political and social turmoil in the country. The economy collapsed and crime skyrocketed. Francis’s family were threatened, or amenazados several times, including once when Francis herself was almost kidnapped.

Francis: No recuerdo mucho porque era muy pequeña, pero nos amenazaron varias veces de secuestro. Por esa razón, mis padres no se sentían seguros en Ecuador.

Martina: In addition to the threat of kidnapping, or secuestro, both Francis' parents lost work due to the economic situation in Ecuador in the late 1990’s. Her parents tried to launch their own business, buying and selling used cars. But soon after they started, their car lot was robbed. And they discovered the police were involved. They felt they had no one to turn to.

Francis: Por esa razón, decidimos emigrar de Ecuador e ir a los Estados Unidos. Mi papá se fue primero. Él estaba muy desilusionado con la situación en nuestro país.

Martina: The plan was for Francis’ dad to travel to the United States first. Then after he found work, the rest of the family would follow. Francis had already been to the U.S. for vacation. On one trip they went to Disney World. That experience made Francis excited to leave Ecuador.

Francis: Mientras esperábamos el momento de ir a Estados Unidos, yo me sentía muy emocionada y feliz.

Martina: Eventually, Francis’ dad found work. And in December 1999, just weeks after her 10th birthday, Francis, her sister, and her mom left Ecuador to start a new life in Florida, near Tampa.

Francis: Llegamos al aeropuerto, empezamos a despedirnos de mi familia y ahí supe que la separación sería muy difícil. Fue en ese momento cuando empecé a llorar; lloré muchísimo. Pero luego, llegamos a los Estados Unidos, nos reunimos con mi papá y comenzamos nuestro American Dream.

Martina: For Francis and her sister, the initial transition went smoothly. They had studied English in Ecuador, so it didn’t take them long to adjust to a new language and make new friends. The move was harder on her parents. Especially her mom, who had been an accountant, or contadora, in Ecuador.

Francis: Mi mamá es una persona inteligente y quería trabajar. Ella era contadora en Ecuador, pero en Estados Unidos no podía trabajar en su profesión porque no hablaba inglés.

Martina: Francis’ mom couldn’t continue her professional career and only found work in menial jobs. The family also faced economic hardships. In the first year, they had to move multiple times. Francis remembered once they had to squeeze into a small hotel room at a Days Inn. Finally, after a year of moving around, they found a house and settled down. But the stress took its toll on her parent’s marriage. They had had problems before, and now in the U.S., things got worse.

Francis: Todas las relaciones pasan por momentos difíciles y la de mis padres no fue la excepción. Así que después de un par de años en Estados Unidos, se separaron.

Martina: By the time Francis was 14, she had spent 4 years in the U.S. And she had become hyper-aware of the challenges that immigration brought on her family — both emotionally and economically. Her 15th birthday was getting closer and closer, and she had been promised a big quinceañera. But that felt like it was slipping away. One reason was financial: in the U.S. quinceañeras can cost tens of thousands of dollars — as much as some weddings!

Francis: Mi familia tenía suficiente dinero para comprar comida y ropa, pero no para hacer una fiesta grande. Yo sabía que no sería posible tener una fiesta de quinceañera como las que se hacían en Ecuador.

Martina: What’s more, as her birthday approached, her parents were tied up in the long, messy process of getting a divorce.

Francis: Acepté mi situación y me sentí más tranquila. Si no había fiesta, no teníamos que gastar todo ese dinero. Además, así se podrían evitar más problemas entre mis padres.

Martina: Traditionally, quinceañeras are family parties, with aunts, uncles, and cousins in attendance. The birthday girl also asks friends to accompany her in what’s called “a court of honor.” The court includes 15 young men, or chambelanes, and 14 young women, or damas. They dress up in coordinating outfits and often perform choreographed dances, from waltzes to reggaeton. Francis felt like this traditional kind of party didn’t fit her new life. They were still new to Florida, with little family and no Ecuadorian community nearby.

Francis: Poco a poco, comencé a identificarme con la cultura estadounidense. Nosotros vivíamos en una parte del país donde la comunidad latina no era muy grande. La mayoría de mis amigas eran estadounidenses o eran como yo, es decir, extranjeras que intentaban adaptarse a la cultura del país.

Martina: Girls at Francis’ school in the U.S. celebrated their teenage birthdays in other ways — with cake, ice cream, and sleepovers, or pijamadas.

Francis: Para mi quinceañera, mis padres me regalaron un collar muy sencillo. Celebré con unas amigas e hicimos una pijamada. Después de eso, me olvidé completamente de la celebración de mis quince años… hasta quince años después.

Martina: After college in Florida, Francis moved to Washington, D.C. She established herself in her new city and built her own community. Along the way, she found herself thinking about her identity. It was around this time she realized something about herself. Something she didn’t know how to express before.

Francis: A veces, necesitamos tiempo para descubrir cosas de nosotros porque es algo progresivo. Cuando pienso en mi pasado, ahora entiendo que siempre fui queer, pero yo no conocía ese concepto cuando era niña. Lo descubrí después, cuando tenía veinticinco años. Yo ya vivía sola aquí en Washington D.C. cuando comencé a entender cómo me sentía. Mi manera de ver al mundo y a las personas no era heteronormativa.

Martina: As Francis grew to understand her queer identity, she took it slow coming out to those around her. Many of them had always known her as a straight woman.

Francis: Poco tiempo después de que comencé a explorar mi identidad, viajé a Costa Rica por un programa de estudio. Eso me dio la oportunidad de comenzar desde cero con otras personas, y presentarme como una persona queer. Ese tiempo en Costa Rica me ayudó mucho porque cuando regresé a Washington D.C., yo ya me sentía más cómoda con mi identidad.

Martina: With new-found confidence, Francis decided to come out to her mom. She called her in Florida. But the conversation didn’t go as Francis had hoped. Her mom wasn’t completely open to Francis’ identity and had a hard time talking about it.

Francis: Las personas reaccionan de manera diferente a los cambios. Mi mamá decidió no hablar del tema. Su silencio fue difícil para mí. Después de salir del clóset con ella, me sentía menos libre con mi identidad.

Martina: Francis and her mom still got along, but not being able to talk about her identity with her mother was hard. Francis confided this to a good friend, Juan José, and he helped her see things in a different way.

Francis: Juan José me ayudó a ver que, en vez de intentar ayudar a mi mamá a comprender mi identidad, en realidad, yo tenía que pensar en mí. Gracias a él, me di cuenta que tenía que hacer algo por mí misma, para estar orgullosa de la persona que era hoy.

Martina: It was around this time in 2019, that the double quinceañera trend was becoming more popular. On social media, Francis saw posts from other women who threw themselves “double quince” parties when they turned 30. A light bulb went off.

Francis: No tener una fiesta de quinceañera no me importó mucho. Sin embargo, la idea de tener una doble quinceañera me encantó. Creo que es porque ahora soy más introspectiva y me conozco mejor. Fue también una ocasión para declarar mi identidad a mi comunidad y a la familia que tengo en D.C.

Martina: But Francis was nervous about hosting a big party. She had a demanding career in project management and was in the middle of buying a condo. Still, the idea of a double quinceañera stuck with her. A few months before her 30th birthday, Francis mentioned it to her close friend Iulia. Iulia encouraged Francis to do it and promised she would help organize the party.

Francis: Iulia me dijo que tenía que hacer lo que yo quería. También me recordó que no estaba sola porque mis amigos estaban ahí para ayudarme.

Martina: With the support of Iulia, Juan José and a few other friends, Francis decided to go for it. She would throw her own double quinceañera. But Francis quickly realized she had no clue about many of the traditional quinceañera customs.

Francis: No conocía bien las costumbres de una quinceañera porque nunca fui a ninguna de esas fiestas en Ecuador. Además, yo llegué a Estados Unidos cuando era muy pequeña y, en esos tiempos, era difícil mantener la comunicación con personas en otros países. Por esta razón, nunca supe nada sobre las quinceañeras de las niñas que conocí en Ecuador.

Martina: Francis remembered that in Ecuador, quinceañeras are often referred to as “la fiesta rosada” because usually the birthday girl wears all pink. The elaborate ball gowns are adorned with lace and beads. But she didn’t know much more than that about the custom. So Francis researched on Google and read articles to learn more.

Francis: Yo soy feminista y, honestamente, no estoy de acuerdo con algunas de las tradiciones de las quinceañeras. Pero, por otro lado, hay otras costumbres que me gustan mucho. Por ejemplo, compartir con tu familia y comunidad, y celebrar una nueva etapa de tu vida.

Martina: She also consulted with her mom on the phone. Finally, Francis found a quinceañera tradition that resonated with her: a candle, or vela, ceremony.

Francis: Es una ceremonia de velas. Hay quince velas, una para cada persona que te ayudó a crecer y a convertirte en la mujer que eres. Esa fue la oportunidad perfecta para celebrar quien soy y darles las gracias a las personas que considero importantes en mi vida.

Martina: The night of Francis’ party arrived. The beer garden in D.C. was filled with friends from all different parts of her life: graduate school, work, and the band Francis played with. She told people to dress up in whatever made them feel the most special, or whatever they would have wanted to wear at their homecoming or prom in high school. In the end, Francis even wore pink and a crown, or corona, but put her own twist on it.

Francis: Para seguir un poco la tradición de la fiesta rosada, me compré una falda rosada. Me puse una chaqueta de jean, unas botas y, obviamente, tuve que comprar una corona.

Martina: The evening was complete with a personalized playlist, a signature drink, and Francis’ favorite tiramisu cake.

Francis: Me sentía muy emocionada por estar con mis amigos, pero también estaba nerviosa porque ellos no sabían qué iba a hacer con mi última vela.

Martina: It was time for the candle ceremony. One by one, Francis gave away the lit candles and said a little speech for each person. A candle for Iulia for helping her organize the party. One for her friend Juan José for always supporting her. Another to a lesbian couple that had been her role models in D.C. Finally, Francis had given out all but one candle. The last one, she announced, was for herself.

Francis: La última vela es para la pequeña queer Francis que vive dentro de mí. ¡Estoy orgullosa de ella! De hoy en adelante, quiero estar feliz y aceptar esta parte de mi vida y de mi identidad.

Martina: The group cheered. Some of her friends knew Francis was queer, but many others didn’t. Some were so moved by the moment, they shed a few tears. Francis was proud, or orgullosa, to share her identity.

Francis: Ese día sentí el amor y el apoyo de mi comunidad en Washington D.C. Mi parte favorita de la noche fue cuando nos tomamos fotos con todos mis amigos. Fue un momento muy especial y me encantó estar con todos ellos en el mismo lugar.

Martina: Francis was so happy to finally have a coming-of-age party that honored who she was…in her entirety.

Francis: Esa fue mi oportunidad para darles las gracias a mis amigos por todo su apoyo. Lo más importante de la doble quinceañera es que cada persona puede adaptar la tradición a su manera. Eso es lo más bonito de todo.

Martina: Francis Gortaire still lives and works in Washington, D.C. She’s been in her condo for over two years now. In her spare time she drums with the band Batalá Washington and consumes as much sci-fi and fantasy as possible.

This story was produced by Gabriela Saldivia, a journalist and teacher based in Sevilla, Spain.

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Danielle: I've been using Duolingo Spanish for probably two years, but I had never gotten into the podcast and I just started them this year and I'm about two weeks until listening to one a day. And they're done so incredibly well, they're really easy to follow along with but they still challenge you to pause and want to look up a word. And every one of them is so heartfelt and beautiful. So sometimes I'm just walking my dog just casually crying about stories off of Duolingo. So thank you guys!

Martina: Thank you so much for your message, Danielle! And thank you so much for listening.

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The Duolingo Spanish podcast is produced by Duolingo and Adonde Media. I’m the executive producer, Martina Castro. ¡Gracias por escuchar!

Credits

This episode was produced by Duolingo and Adonde Media.